Erin blogs something nerdy, gives self wedgie.

Body Care and Grooming (short)

[The title Body Care and Grooming appears on the screen.]

Joel: Is this an infomercial? Where's Cher?

Servo [as TV announcer]: Body Care! And Grooming! They're cops...

---

[The short opens on a shot of several college-age couples looking lovey-dovey all across campus.]

Narrator: Ah, spring!

Crow [as Narrator]: Filthy, shameful spring!

. . .

Joel: You know, people were whiter back then.

Narrator: When a young man's fancy lightly turns to...

Crow: Underpants.

Narrator: ...Love.

Crow: Oh.

---

[Shot of slovenly girl.]

Narrator: Look at that hair!

Crow: [defensively] I like her hair!

Narrator: And that blouse!

Crow: [lasciviously] I'm looking, I'm looking!

...

[Shot of young man looking disgusted by slovenly girl's appearance.]

Narrator: Sorry, Miss! We're trying to a film about proper appearance, and, well, you're not exactly the kind to make this guy behave like a guy!

Joel: [bitterly] You know, make him want to grope you and paw at you!

...

[The slovenly girl is now immaculately dressed and groomed. The camera starts at her head and slowly pans down.]

Narrator: Look at that hair... that skin... that mouth...

Servo [as Narrator]: Those... n-nose.

...

Servo: We simply took your libido and starched and pressed it!

[formerly slovenly girl walks off, quickly followed by young man]

Joel: [as young man] Hey, I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everybody else!

---

[The camera focuses on a woman with a good appearance. Shortly after, it focuses on a woman looking discomforted and fidgeting around.]

Narrator: Clothes are important. Besides fitting well and looking well, the clothes should be appropriate for the occasion. Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes—

Servo [as the Narrator]: Is immoral.

Narrator: —is a sure way to make yourself uncomfortable... and conspicuous.

Crow: Expressing individualism is just plain wrong.

---

Narrator: Besides accumulating sweat, the skin is also constantly picking up dirt, dust, grit, and other foreign particles.

Crow: Skin sucks.

---

Narrator: One of these is cleansing cream.

Servo [as Narrator]: One of these is nitric acid . Choose wisely.

---

[The short closes with the cleaned-up teens going to bed.]

Narrator: And so... the end of a perfect day.

Joel [as Narrator]: An entire day spent grooming.

. . .

Narrator: And you...

Joel [as Narrator]: Jezebel!

Narrator: ...by following these simple rules of body care and grooming, you too will [have] that quality of appearance, that feeling of well-being, so important to make your dreams of happiness come true.

Crow [as Narrator]: And remember — when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight.

Watch out for snakes.

Kinda getting the urge to do a post about mutton chops. I don't think it's quite time yet. I still need to collect a few more choice pictures of the glorious facial hair. I do think it is about time for a handlebar mustache though.

Ooh! Even better! A handlebar/mutton chop combo. A Hutton, if you will.


Behold.

Ahhh. Sweet sassafras that's some good bloggin'.

Here's to future cooperation between our organizations!

I have never traveled outside of the U.S. but plan to once I figure out a safe way to be unconscious the entire plane ride. In the meantime I will have to brush up on my foreign languages (as if I know them already) and learn some helpful phrases that I just know I will come across.

If I ever find myself in Russia fumbling for the correct way to tell my dance partner that I can't do the cha cha I'll just reach for Berlitz Russian for Travellers.

I can't do the cha-cha.
Ja ne umeju tantsevatj cha-cha-cha.

I want a specimen of your urine.
Ja vozjmu u vas mochu na analiz.

I'd like to buy a pair of binoculars.
Ja khotel by kupitj binoklj.

I would like some game or fowl.
Ja by vzjal dichi ili ptitsy.

Here's to future cooperation between our organizations!
Za nashe budushchee sotrudnichestvo!

I'd like to go to a Komsomol party.
Ja khotel by pojti na komsomoljskij vecher.

For some more handy phrases in other languages: http://www.zompist.com/thought.html

LOL

Children's books that didn't make it.

This list has been bouncing around the internet for awhile now so I can't credit the original source. That's all right because I'm fairly certain only 5 or so people read this blog.

1 You Are Different and That's Bad
2 The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3 Dad's New Wife Robert
4 Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5 Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6 The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking.
7 Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8 All Cats Go to Hell
9 The Little Sissy Who Snitched
10 Some Puppies Can Fly
11 That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
12 Grandpa Gets a Casket
13 The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
14 Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
15 The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16 Strangers Have the Best Candy
17 Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
18 You Were an Accident
19 Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20 Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21 The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
22 Your Nightmares Are Real
23 Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
24 Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
25 Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
26 Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
27 Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Bonus:

The Onion

Post of EPIC proportions

Being without a car forces me to take on mundane tasks that I normally have no interest in doing. Today I took a box out of my side of the closet and threw out most of it's contents, wrapped a few presents and cleaned out an old purse to use again. While cleaning out the purse I came across a piece of notebook paper from my first day of Intro to Writing (Writing Zero). We had to free write for 20 minutes. Anything that came to mind we had to write it down. I was amused with what I had come up with because I could remember how painfully silent the room was while everyone was scribbling away in their notebooks. The class started with 20 some odd people and dwindled down to about 9 at the end of the term. We're now at around 6 going into Writing 2. It's a lot like Survivor.

Now, for your reading pleasure (with fun pictures to spice things up) my free writing.

_______________________________________

Why didn't I bring paper to a writing class? Did I think there would be scraps lying around on the floor for me to pluck up for my convenience?
I feel this way about a lot of aspects of my life. Will there be something available for me at every turn? Well, in this case yes. The guy to my right was nice enough to give me some paper. But that is simply not the point. I'm not quite sure what the point is, but I'm sure there is a moral here somewhere.

________________________________________

Maybe I'm just hungry.


________________________________________

My brain isn't working as well as it should be this morning. People in the 1800's considered a 10 hour nights sleep the norm. They also often contracted polio and died at 37. I'm willing to take that risk for a few extra hours on occasion.
Leonardo DaVinci slept for nearly half his life and look at him. At least that's what Wikipedia tells me. Why would the internet lie?

_________________________________________

The skyline looks beautiful from where I'm sitting. Actually I take that back it's mostly just gray.


_________________________________________

This is the longest 20 minutes of my life.

_________________________________________

The instructor was just talking about SNL earlier and why most of their sketches don't work. Most of them are some writer's panic attack to get something out there and end up 12 minutes too long.

I feel that less is definitely more. That's why that stupid Geico caveman sitcom didn't work. Nobody wants to see that shit more than 30 seconds at a time.


Nobody.

Elf children

This is a fun little program from Office Max called Elf Yourself. I used a picture of Alayna and Gracie from a play date we had about a month or so ago.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

What I'm thankful for..

Tis the season of thankfulness, dry skin and hot buttered rum.

I have come up with a list of things I am thankful for this year.

-My wonderful husband and daughter
-Sunday dinners at the In law's
-Mom and Robert's success in buying a new house
-Family's overall health and well being

-Target

without you I would be nothing.

-Hulu.com
-The Second City
-Gas under $2 a gallon!
-new friends
-Jim and Pam



-Spongebob
-finding time to finish reading 3 books
-swimming everyday with my daughter this summer

and last but certainly not least:

Benny Lava



Thank you.

For good measure..

Filler before bed.

Is it just me or did that title seem a bit dirty?


1. Five names you go by:

a. Erin
b. Rinny
c. Rindo
d. Rin Spin OR Rin Grin
e. Honey Chunks (as of right this moment)

2. Three things you are wearing right now:

a. black tank top
b. blue hoodie on backwards
c. thermal pants

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

a. a hostess cupcake
b. to be warm

4. Three people who will probably fill this out:

I nominate Susan. And two other people.

5. Two things you did last night:

a. watched Arrested Development
b. watched Little Britain

it was an exciting evening.

6. Two things you ate today:

a. cinnamon raisin english muffin w/butter
b. sweet & sour soup

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

a. Tim
b. receptionist at the dentist's office

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

a. a balancing act
b. bend over backwards

9. Two longest car rides:

a. Chicago to Los Angeles
b. Chicago to Atlanta

10. Two of your favorite beverages:

a. Cranberry juice
b. Pomegranate Green Tea


GOOD NIGHT!

Target: Women -"Number Two"

A Beard For The Ages

Procrastinating is something I feel I can do almost perfectly. I've come across in my stumblings a man who is on a quest to achieve every beard type imaginable.

A taste:



Link

In the wake of the eve of the nigh of election day..

I wanted to add something completely superficial.



Hot Johnny.



Not so much, Barry.

I think I've made my point.

Thank you for the nudge, Susan.

I definitely needed it! I will make an early new year resolution and post at least once a week. Then I will do it for a few weeks and think "Wow! This is so easy! Why didn't I do this before?" Of course there is the inevitable decline and I will end up in a corner of my house in the fetal position with cupcake frosting smeared on my face.

Oh, that's right that's when I say I will exercise at least once a week. Or keep my house clean. Either way, cupcakes are most certainly involved.

That was my day. How was yours?

Today as Alayna and I were walking in Downtown Naperville I was approached by Mike Flannery from CBS News. Yes, this actually happened.

He asked if I could give a few thoughts on Obama's speech in Berlin. I think I did all right. I'm not going to watch. I can't stand CBS and to be honest, I may just have an anxiety attack after seeing myself in HD. After the interview, I noticed that Alayna still had some lollipop gunk on her face from moments earlier. Look out Chicago, here comes toddler sucker schmutz..in HD!

Moral of the story: Always leave the house looking relatively decent and presentable. You never know when you will be speaking nervously into a microphone in front of a large camera about a subject you care little about.

Fortunately for everyone, I think I looked kickass.

Ol' Scratch

I simply love Trey Parker and Matt Stone. No matter how ridiculous they get, I love 'em. They could fart in my cereal if they really felt inclined. Well, hmm. I have to think about that one.

Anywho, here is a great video I found of them circa South Park First Season ('97 ish). It's called "A Fireside Chat with Matt and Trey." Surprisingly only one or two F-bombs. Enjoy.

I miss "Buttsbob".

Alayna: I want to watch T.V.

Tim: The T.V. is broken, the picture isn't coming up. (actual television issues, not a lie)

Alayna: Oh. I guess I watch Golden Books movie then.

____________________________________________________

Me: [while making her favorite sandwich ever] We go through so much peanut butter in this house!

Alayna: You could grow peanut butter sandwiches. Nah, I just kiddin'.

Coming Soon to a Playground Near You

Hey! I have a better idea!

Last night I was looking up various ways to make broccoli and cheese. Simple, yes. I had a brick of Velveeta, frozen broccoli, rice/noodles, cream soups..etc at my disposal and was going to find some casserole recipe. All said and done, I just melted the cheese on the broccoli. This, however is not the point.

People will voice their opinions on just about anything as a blog comment no matter how trivial and mundane the original post may be. I found a question on Yahoo Answers (a veritable cesspool of information) that was similar to my broccoli and cheese needs. The comments were outstanding. There were people posting completely different recipes for this girl to try instead, people telling her to just throw out the Velveeta and go buy some real cheese, arguments about the importance of Veganism, Europeans making fun of fat Americans and so much more! I was expecting to come across a comment about how processed cheese is one of the causes of Global Warming. But, alas I did not.

Give me a fat, flabby American break. Spare yourselves the small physical effort to move your fingers across the keyboard and go back to your coffee house poetry readings. Or simply skip the question all together and find something you are interested in. Perhaps berating a girl who asked how to make a damn broccoli casserole on Yahoo answers is how you get your kicks. To each his own.

I'm going to go back to sucking down Milanos and watch South Park.

Fruit and Veggie Art

Of all the pictures I've seen of cute food, these are certainly some of them.



Link

Third!

Wow, three in one day! Sometimes I just get the bloggin' bug. There is a new site called Bomomo which is a flash art program that is the MS paint of tomorrow. I call dibs on that slogan. Since you've got an honest face, I'll let you use it without permish. It was created by Philip Lenssen of Google Blogoscoped and apparently can only be used in Firefox. Sorry IE users, the world seems to have forgotten you.

This is a very addicting and creative little program. Go give a try. This site gets the Erin slap of approval.

Now on to playing games with my husband. There isn't anything to read into that. We are really just going to play Scrabble. God, it feels good to be old.

PoEmo

I was lurking around my brother's livejournal and going through the archives and came across this gem. I can't say for sure why I ended up there. I just did. Today is a very lazy movie watching, interneting, baby farting kind of day.

This is titled simply, Goth Poetry.
by Colin.

I am the salt, so sexy and clean
I can take garbage around to the next level of sin
If you were a human you can see what it's like to be me
Boom-shak-a-laka, boom-shak-a-laka, boom
I can eat six plates in a row
This sandwich won't go unrewarded
Pork is salty, which denotes my sadness
I feel like an American couch, imported
A bomb in your eyes is worth two in the bush
Ab am debuh ham bam debuh clam bam debuh
This poem is almost over
It's never over
DARKNESS!!!!!

What kind of goth/emo poetry can you come up with?

Ghost caught on camera

Goosebumps. Seriously.

Yogurt. A woman's food.

Theme songs that stick with you.

I will have more theme songs to share eventually but this show was one of my favorites as a kid. This song has stuck with me for years. It's so freakin' catchy.



Ok, one more.

Now, THIS is child endangerment...

And subsequently downright hilarious. I hope for the baby's sake it is taken to a better caregiver, but I'm sorry, this is just funny.

Cincinnati, Ohio: A 19-year-old Green Township mother is in the Hamilton County jail after Cincinnati police charged her with taking her newborn child along while she broke into a candy store.

That in itself is not funny whatsoever. BUT, not only does she look just as I would imagine a candy store thief would look like, she stole candy. Just candy. No money.
Twizzlers and shit.


Nom Nom Nom Nom!

Secondly, this made me giggle, a lot.

She [store owner] said she learned of the break-in when Cincinnati police called her at home about 1:30 a.m. “You’ve been broken into,” she said they told her. “We’re guarding the Swedish fish. Hurry. Come down. We can’t leave the store. It’s wide open.”

Thank God! Really, those poor Swedish Fish must have been terrified. Good work men! My hat is off.

Here is the glorious link. Take a look while the story is still fresh and not taken down to replace more brilliant Cincinnati news.

Link

Garbage Sculpting

Always want to be an artist but then thought, "I'd really like some money instead."? There's always time to get into useless garbage sculpting! It's not the true term for this type of art, but it certainly should be. It looks pretty interesting, but let's be honest...it will be thrown out almost immediately after completion. Or left in a dark corner of the closet until moving day. Then promptly thrown out.

This sculpture would look great in some jazzy Chicago loft where hipsters mingle freely in the halls of your apartment building sipping vitamin water.

Pantyhose Sculpture


Link

Packing Tape Sculpture


Link

Great find, Tim!

I met a butterfly the other day..

Gabe and Max's Internet Thing.

Get ready for.....

yet another blog!

This will be a fun one. http://bellyrolls.blogspot.com

Health and wellness with an Erin-like spin to it.

How Sesame Street Got It's Groove Back.

Ding Dong!

www.youravon.com/egavin

Check it out! :)

Waste some time part 3

Opentopia

I suggest the webcams around the world.


It's not overly exciting, but there is something highly entertaining about it. Watch people work in a busy Japanese dental office. Spy on someone sitting in a waiting room in Canada. Little do they know....
Don't worry, it's all legal. And non-sexual in nature. Unless you want it to be, but that's all you.

Gross.

I've got something to say!

This has gone TOO far.

Women arrested for leaving her 2 year old in the car

Upon reading that title you can't help but gasp and think "Oh, what a terrible mother!" The mother pulled up to a Walmart entrance one evening in December to allow her other children to place money into the Salvation Army's donation kettle. She locked the car and walked 30 feet away with the kids and left her sleeping toddler in the car for no more than a minute. The girl was in the mother's sight and inside a locked car.

I'm so sick of the government telling us how to raise our children. This is NOT child endangerment. This poor woman is being taken to court and is now publicly humiliated because of a community service officer that felt the need to "act" on this problem. Oh yes, good call. It doesn't matter that we have just had another random shooting in this country this week, this time at a Wendy's. Damn those delicious hamburgers! I'm sure we'll hear something from good ol' Hillary about this reinstating that it takes a village to raise our kids. Surely one woman can't possibly handle her children herself. If she would have stayed in the car and let the kids put the money in themselves she probably still would have gotten in trouble. Any child under 14 is required to be within eyesight at all times. A perfect example of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Good thing there weren't any plastic weapons in the car. . Can you imagine if your parents were with you every second and never allowed you any freedoms until you were 14? Talk about shooting spree.

Sending your children out to play in the yard is more dangerous than what happened here. Many times I have had to leave the car for a second to either put a shopping cart back in it's place, drop mail off in mailbox..etc. All of these miniscule tasks are done within a few seconds and ALWAYS with the car locked and within sight. I wouldn't go into a store and shop while my daughter sleeps in the car, but neither did this mother! You can't do everything with a toddler on your hip. I feel for her, she did nothing wrong.

Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to blink.

Stolen from Susan

1. Go to photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer for each question into the PhotoBucket search bar.
3. Choose your favorite photo to represent your answer.
4. Copy the html and paste it here.
5. Answer only in picture form.

1. What is your first name?



2. When is your birthday?



3. What kind of car do you want?



4. Where did/do you go to school?



5. What is your favorite season?



6. What is your favorite type of shoe?



7. What is your status?



8. What is your favorite movie?



9. What is your favorite song?



10. Who is your favorite Disney character?




11. What is your favorite clothing line?


12. What is your favorite vacation destination?





13. What is your favorite dessert?



14. What is your favorite letter?



15. What are you most afraid of?



16. What is your favorite TV show?




17. What annoys you the most?



18. What is your job?




19. What's your favorite animal?




20. How old are you?

A sign, perhaps?

The patio curtains are open so I can marvel at how much it's going to suck cleaning off my car today. I'm sitting on the couch watching Nick Jr. with Alayna and a blackbird flies dangerously close to the window but just drops something on the ground and goes on his way. It's a used band aid.

Thank you Mr. blackbird for your generous gift, but we're just fine. Thanks again.

Ebay, You bay, we all bay.

I have decided to go through everything I have accumulated that I just don't need and sell it. I want that camera.

My Dad has given me lots of sunglasses in the past from his job as an optician and told me to do what I will with them. Well, I'm doing something. More stuff to come! I am determined.

Sunglasses for sale

Just added: Soapmaking Supplies

Tell your friends! Or your enemies, either way.

Got an extra $2,500 lying around?

Check your couch cushions!





Link

"Bigger Kitty"

Last night after leaving Mama Elaine's it was late enough to where it was straight to bed time. She was pretty much asleep in the car, but of course as soon as we got inside, she was wide awake. With her jacket and boots still on, she stood right in front of her easel and announced it was art time. I said she had only a few minutes and that as soon as I take my coat off and put some of her toys away, it was time for bed. I walk into her room and she is diligently drawing something. I could tell she was focused because her tongue was sticking out a little bit. I look over her shoulder and she was carefully drawing whiskers for her "bigger kitty". I couldn't believe how much it actually looks like a cat! She showed me very proudly and I gave her a "bigger" hug.

Waste some time. Part 2

Here's a website that will not only waste precious minutes, it will thoroughly creep you out.

Lost Destinations

This has nothing to do with the greatest show on television, but is a very interesting look into the paranormal. There are lots of pictures of abandoned houses and other buildings that are just amazing. I've often wondered what's inside an old, decrepit house that's moments away from demolition. If ghosts are not really your thing, just take a look at all of the abandoned oddities around the country.

Yes indeed.

Well, of course.

I really can't think of a better way to spend your free time.

Virtual Stapler

Waste some time.

My mom got me into this on Yahoo! games a while ago. It's good old fashion clean, wholesome word fun. Play it as the web game, no need to purchase it. It's addictive even with limited features.



Link

Groin grabbingly fantastic Origami

Link

One more for good measure

If you ever have the intense urge where you just have to draw something ridiculous, let me give you a quick suggestion.

Learn how to draw this surly looking apelike cat thing.


This is supposed to be a lion. I guess I need to be on a few more prescription drugs.

Link
[[Image:Draw Lion 1.jpg|thumb|description]]