The Joy of Cooking.

Right now four windows are open, two fans are on and children are being ushered out of the kitchen in fear of smoke inhalation. I am making meatloaf tonight.
Clearly, I can't just quit cooking. It would be very costly and way too easy to gain fifty pounds of Kentucky fried fat. So instead I will continue to punish my family with home cooked meals.

The end result is never as bad as the process. For whatever reason something is always spilled, burned, improperly cut or I just simply get too drunk to continue. That has happened for the record. I thought that by watching a lot of Food Network it would inspire me to get creative in the kitchen and use Arugula. All it did was create a new show addiction. If you are unfamiliar with the show, "Chopped" allow me to break it down for you the best way I know how. In fragmented sentences.

Each week four chefs (or would it be cheves?) compete for $10,000 and the coveted title of Chopped Champion. There are three courses that are placed in front of the harsh but lovable judges. First course is the appetizer, second is the entree and third is dessert. I'm still hoping that they will recognize the cocktail course but I'm optimistic. Each contestant is given a basket of ingredients that have no business in the same dish. Their challenge is to pull together a cohesive meal or they will be Chopped®. The shows host Ted Allen will spout off the incredible basket contents with a certain smugness that I very much enjoy. "For this next dish you are to include; Apple cores, Dish Soap, Pants stolen off of a sleeping hobo and Almonds. You have fifteen minutes." As I sit in front of the t.v. snacking on my bag of hobo pants I laugh and say there is no way they can pull this off. I can barely hold a fork without dropping it but yet I still sit here and judge. America is a beautiful place.

"Today I have prepared for you an Apple Alronde Chateau Fromage with Panko encrusted Khaki and Almond Soap Chutney."

Damn it.