I've been very good this year.

I could literally spend hours on Etsy.com. I had planned to put up some crafty items that I had made for sale but can't seem to stop looking at what I want long enough to do so. I don't need any of it, but it is a strong and powerful want. *Polymer clay earrings that resemble rainbow sprinkle donuts? Yes, please. Purple vampire monkey plushie? I'll take it! There is not only a huge selection of clothes and jewelry that I don't need but there is an entire section of crafts under "Geekery". Squeal!

I feel I am a responsible adult and a functioning member of society all year long so that is why I am thrilled Christmas is coming. I know now that I am an adult I'm supposed to say things like, "Oh, don't make a fuss over me." and "I could really use some new dish gloves." I think I've paid my dues and done more than my fair share of scraping crap off the floor for the year. I also think I have done a splendid job of leading other members of the PTL to believe I am a normal person. Maybe I should just ask for some sort of new vacuum or something grown up like lottery tickets and pantyhose (Not sure who I'm thinking of here). Or I could have fun with my life. Merry Christmas, now can I have this Goomba necklace?

*By the way, Donut earrings can be found on my Amazon wish list. Winkety Wink Wink.

The bane of my existence

I believe that if I managed to wash and put away every item of clothing in the house it would mark the end of my life. After the last pair of mismatched socks was shoved in a drawer I would start off with a small giggle which would lead into a hearty chuckle which would then turn into full blown maniacal laughter. Laughter so insane that it could only be done while violently throwing my head back. I'd then smack it on something hard and die.

Don't worry. This will never happen. I will never die. I have way too much $#%@ laundry to do.

The Joy of Cooking.

Right now four windows are open, two fans are on and children are being ushered out of the kitchen in fear of smoke inhalation. I am making meatloaf tonight.
Clearly, I can't just quit cooking. It would be very costly and way too easy to gain fifty pounds of Kentucky fried fat. So instead I will continue to punish my family with home cooked meals.

The end result is never as bad as the process. For whatever reason something is always spilled, burned, improperly cut or I just simply get too drunk to continue. That has happened for the record. I thought that by watching a lot of Food Network it would inspire me to get creative in the kitchen and use Arugula. All it did was create a new show addiction. If you are unfamiliar with the show, "Chopped" allow me to break it down for you the best way I know how. In fragmented sentences.

Each week four chefs (or would it be cheves?) compete for $10,000 and the coveted title of Chopped Champion. There are three courses that are placed in front of the harsh but lovable judges. First course is the appetizer, second is the entree and third is dessert. I'm still hoping that they will recognize the cocktail course but I'm optimistic. Each contestant is given a basket of ingredients that have no business in the same dish. Their challenge is to pull together a cohesive meal or they will be Chopped®. The shows host Ted Allen will spout off the incredible basket contents with a certain smugness that I very much enjoy. "For this next dish you are to include; Apple cores, Dish Soap, Pants stolen off of a sleeping hobo and Almonds. You have fifteen minutes." As I sit in front of the t.v. snacking on my bag of hobo pants I laugh and say there is no way they can pull this off. I can barely hold a fork without dropping it but yet I still sit here and judge. America is a beautiful place.

"Today I have prepared for you an Apple Alronde Chateau Fromage with Panko encrusted Khaki and Almond Soap Chutney."

Damn it.

........................

I've made the promise to write in my blog everyday but I feel a little bad sitting upstairs on the computer ignoring my husband on our wedding anniversary. I did post twice yesterday. So, yeah. I'll be back tomorrow. I leave you with this picture of an otter proudly displaying her newborn.

You are my sunshine

One of my very favorite things in this strange and angry world is coffee. Besides the obvious loves like family, food, God and breathing I'm quite partial to a strong cup of Joe. My husband brings me coffee in the morning and sets it on the bedside table before I've even rubbed the eye boogers out of my face. He's a wonderful and lovely man. I used to drink it with milk and sugar. Not much of each but enough for some sweetness. Then without my knowledge the coffee was gradually getting stronger. The light brown drink was becoming darker over the weeks and soon enough the sugar was gone completely. I noticed this change after awhile but didn't say anything because hey, I'm being served coffee in bed. Now I drink it black but only at home. I'm adventurous and like to try different flavors. My favorite coffee drink at the moment is a Mocha from Starbucks. I enjoy the taste of espresso without the full blast in the face of flavor. Chocolate tends to make everything better as does ice cream. So, when I came across this recipe for homemade espresso ice cream I truly felt like the internet was speaking only to me.

Thank you, internet. I'll be sure to add you to my Christmas card list.

At least I still get candy...

So, in case you didn't know last night was Halloween. It's a lot different for me now since having children of my own. I used to love everything associated with Halloween. The crappy horror movies, haunted houses, going to parties and drinking out of plastic skull heads. Everything. When I worked for Center Stage our dress code was a costume. I'd pride myself on my ability to create the nastiest, bloodiest make up jobs and receive high praises from adolescent boys. I loved it all.

This has now become my secret love. I have to make sure that when we visit a pumpkin farm that it isn't too scary. God forbid a costumed employee walk too close. I'd never hear the end of it. I minimize windows on the computer when she walks by because I am reading about the top ten most terrifying places in America. I've endured Dora the Explorer's Halloween Special. Honestly, anything Dora says is more frightening than whatever is on that list. But, my daughter enjoys it.

And that is where I stop the ranting. Watching her get so excited to dress up and go trick or treating is better than any party I've been to. It's gotten to the point where I remember what it was like to be her age. I remember the thrill and being scared of other people's costumes. I have fond memories of trick or treating with my mother trying to keep up while I sprinted from house to house. I know I'll get my horror movies back someday but for now, I love my kid friendly Halloween.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have some Urban Legends to read up on before I pick her up from school.

NaNoWriMo is a NoGo

I tend to get these silly ideas in my head that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Before you start to think that this is a "woe is me" post, I will preface by saying that I am just fine with my limitations. I understand and have come to terms with the fact that I am an incredibly spontaneous thinker. I get an idea and pretend that I have the time and energy to fulfill it. Have you met Alice? Anyway, I had the notion to participate in National Novel Writing Month this year but I've been inspired by my next door neighbor/Sister/fellow crazy person to write in my blog every day for a month. Ideas may seep in to my brain like jelly in the kitchen tiles (note: Don't forget to clean kitchen floor) but this is one I am confident I'll stick with. With which I will stick.